Ryan's 1st Birthday

March 1st, 2013

Dear Ryan,

You normally sleep until 6 or 7 each morning. But when you woke up today the clock said 5:08, 3 minutes until you would turn one. Normally I would let you fuss and fall back asleep on your own. But not today. Today I happily went into your room and picked you up out of your crib. I kissed your nose and smiled at you. You smiled back at me with your big, bright, beautiful smile. I held you in the rocker and ran my fingers through your hair while I nursed you. We sat in the dark, in the quiet, just you and me while the rest of the house slept. I looked down at you, my precious boy, remembering all we've gone through in the past year and how much joy you have brought our family. I felt my heart swell with love and sadness at the same time. I'm so happy and excited for this milestone; you have grown into such a happy, smart, curious, fearless boy! And yet I also felt so sad because my baby is no longer a baby. 

There's no clock in your room so I don't know the exact moment it happened but I do know that at 5:11, the very same moment you officially turned one, I was holding you, my sweet boy, in my arms. Just like I held you one year ago in the hospital, with tears running down my face because you had finally arrived. 

I held you tight the day you were born. I held you tight today. And I will hold you tight for as long as I live.

Happy Birthday kiddo, I love you as high as the sky.

Mama

March 1st, 2014